A, B, C,: Abused but Colorful

Are you true blue? Are you the type of friend who can be depended on? Is your personality honest but accepting, or are you unsure of the way the cards fall? Or is it possible that you are so unable to love someone else that you are nothing but a tick, sucking the life giving blood from your friends but never giving them anything back, but false hope and heart break?
This “quiz” will tell you what song best fits your friend personality, as it is related to you, me, and our experiences together.

1. When you first met me you thought….
A. I can’t figure how to say her name…
B. What the hell drugs is this crazy woman on?
C. Too bad she is only 15, cause I want her, right here, right now

1. You love to call me…
A. Merida Berida Pough Pi Dinosaur Steve Jeeves Fucking Teot
B. Merida, Tye-Dye
C. Crazy psycho, Fat.

2. When you were little you always wanted…
A. A Salad Shooter or a tree house with a pirate lookout post.
B. K’nex Big Ball machine
C. A G.I. Joe sniper rifle with attached scope

3. Your dream vehicle…
A. Something with good gas mileage and or a driver named Jeeves
B. A red civic hatch back that you drove my ass everywhere in until I got my license
C. 1968 Chevy Camaro, black, with black interior

4. If I was supposed to have a date but he had to cancel cause he was on a cruise you would…
A. Take me to see “Enchanted” knowing fully well that even though you have already seen it, that the princess being the dragon slayer would make me forget every boy trouble I had, and the next morning I would end up feeling like there is no better ab work out then the laughter you provide, blue slushies included
B. Give me a call to make sure I was ok, but have to leave far too quickly cause you, like me, have a very busy schedule
C. You’re upset? What I can’t hear you? I’m on a cruise

5. The best nickname for you would be…
A. Smallish/Big Boobed bear eh
B. Hey Lady
C. Douche bag, Piece of crap, Seeping puss bag… take your pick.

If you answered all A’s
“Umbrella” the sweet acoustic Mandy Moore Version
Congratulations! You are one of a kind, ok really like two of a kind. Meaning that there are only two people who ever entered my life who have the ability to accept me, and everything that I am. You are a rare breed; you’re loyal, like a golden retriever, sweet and protective. I owe you everything, my life, my smiles, my laughter, my promise that I will always be there for you the way you have been there for me. If it hadn’t been for the “Umbrellas” in my life I would never been able to move on, learn, grow, and become strong.
The thing that I admire most about the two of you, your honesty; I have never had anyone in my life who can be so honest with me without ever fearing to hurt me. It is not just that your honest, it is the way you are honest, you have never beat around the bush with me. When Juston and I were talking after the third time he dumped me, you were very clear that I was being completely stupid, that I needed to remember how much he hurt me, what he really did to me, and that I may have felt happy at that moment but I it would be short lived. You tell me when my Lady Ga Ga obsession has gone to far, or maybe that I am clearly too loud, or that the only reason I have never really gone above and beyond is because I never thought I could. So again I say thank you for being honest with me, if it weren’t for this I would probably still think it was ok for a boy to dump me three times and still want me back.
One of the other things that makes you “Umbrellas” so great is your ability to make me smile, not just smile, but laugh, laugh until my stomach feels like I did 500 crunches after dry heaving for 2 ½ hours. It is also the things that we choose to laugh about, I mean, how many people in the world can sit there and giggle for an hour over horrible names that we would like to name our children. While we think that dinosaur Steve, and Arctofalis are great names for a young child, most people would disagree. Not us, no, you “Umbrellas” make my life as interesting as a rhubarb pie that has a magic ability that makes you upchuck money.
You have made it so easy to conquer almost every fear I have ever had. Remember a time in my life where I said I would never watch a scary movie? Well thanks to you and the Zombie Children of that weird movie I have conquered (somewhat) my fears of scary movies; even though I feel the need to run into my house at night now and I cant fall asleep unless the T.V. is on, I look forward to every night that we watch Ghost Hunters, or the free scary movies on Comcast. You also helped me conquer my fear of self-loathing, you remember when you first met me and the most consistent thing I said was “are you mad at me?” Well it is the most reassuring thing in the world to know that that has changed and I have become a more confident and happy person, thanks to you.
Smallish Bear, thank you for being my relationship guru, it is unfortunate that the reason you are an expert at what I am experiencing is because you went through the same thing. But watching the way you have grown since Eric, and how much happier you are gives me so much hope for my own future. Finally thank you for being one of my wifeys and spending an hour in my car with me at 3 in the morning to help me take the first real step in moving on.
Big Boobed Bear, Thank you for being my domestic wifey, though there are times when you are slightly abusive, p.s. I have a bump on my head from the Lego candy you threw at me, you always make me the best well balanced meals out there. I am glad that you realized that when you go grocery shopping that you are going for you and me. You may think that the only reason I love you so much is because you feed me, this is only partly true. I love and adore you for much more, you are the only person in the world who can make me laugh every time you tell me the story of the dinosaurs and the tar pit, and yes I am aware of those poor dinosaurs that fell in that tar pit. Thank you so much for being the best and cheapest therapist I have ever had, literally my real therapist charges me one hundred dollars to sit and cry on her couch, you feed me.
I only hope that the two of you look at me the same way I look at you, that I am always there for you, no matter what, and I mean no matter what. Just remember that you have giving me so much and I am indebt to you two and your friendship, I would rather have AIDS infested rats who are covered in cockroaches slowly scratch out my eyes than ever loose you as friends.
If you answered all B’s
“Hot and Cold” By Katy Perry
I don’t mean that you “Hot and Cold” people are not important in my life, you are, most of you are friends that I have had for the longest, it is just that ever since we met, are friendship isn’t necessarily consistent. Don’t get me wrong, I love you a lot, but do to circumstances like, distance, my personality, and busy lives, we find it hard sometimes to always be there for each other. And that goes two ways; I can’t always be there for you just like you cannot always be there for me. Again don’t be offended I need my “Hot and Cold” people almost as much as I need my “Umbrella” people. In fact I hope that this will help all of us reconnect on a new level, and all of you “Hot and Cold” people I know will never be “Ticks and Leeches” as I never want you to be. The main difference between my “Hot and Cold” and my “Umbrella” people is the fact that you truly didn’t except me until later in our friendship, when you realized I am stinking rad. Remember middle school, when we met and you would stop talking to me for weeks at a time because I was “annoying” I know it was middle school but that was the beginning or our life long friendship, and even now when we have all gone off to college and started to live real lives, we still aren’t as close as I wish and I know we could be. But the good news is we do check in and still do help each other out, and I am glad that we still find a few times every year to hang out or talk, because you are still very important to me, and if given the opportunity I would never trade in the memories we have from girl scout camp, or speech and debate, or how a couple of you became practically part of my family, and how one of you still is a very big part of my family.
Speaking of which, Mandy, yes you are a “Hot and Cold” But you are the only person who is both that and one of my biggest “Umbrellas” you are my little sister and my soul mate, I want to give you your own category but the truth is when we met all those years ago we didn’t really like each other, both of us thought the other was a little on the strange side. But in my freshman year of college when everybody left me behind, I had you, and it was then that I realized that your soul mate is not specifically someone that you intend to marry or something along those lines, but someone you know you have in the rest of your life and that you two complete each other, Mandy your are very important and very special to me, if only we had realized that sooner… opps.
To all you “Hot and Cold” People, I do care about you and that is why I still want you in my life and I hope we always stay in touch and find a way around our busy lives. And I cannot wait till the next time we talk.
If you answered all C’s
“Ticks and Leeches” By Tool
To all you “Ticks and Leeches” you can suck it and suck it hard! Though there are several “Ticks and Leeches” in my life, I am taking this opportunity to focus on one in particular. Most people who write about people who have wronged and hurt them feel a strange need to protect them; I feel in order for me to protect you I would still need to care for you, I know I said I always would, but… I just can’t anymore, maybe one day very far from now but not now. Juston Marshall Bell,…yep, no more need to protect you because you stopped protecting me.
Juston, I hate you, I hope you wrap that Camaro around a tree! Wait No! How could I ever say something so hideous? I love that car, that would be a waste of something beautiful. Now you on the other hand I could give a crap less if you fell of a ladder and broke your legs and you could never walk again so you could never drive that sexy, sexy car again and you could never work out again, Muah ha ha ha ha! God that is a little evil… oh well, I hate what you have done to me you took my kind heart and smashed it into a million little fucking pieces. I really truly don’t hope that you smash your legs I’m not that mean, but it kind of sucks to look back on a two year relationship and feel like the person you loved more than anything loved his dumb bells and his car more than he ever loved you.
I have a lot of people hurt me before but no one has ever and I pray to god that no one ever will hurt me the way you have. Juston, I was and still kind of am a giant mess. I feel broken beyond repair; it is like the song says you sucked all the live giving blood out of me. Do you even realize how much I truly loved you; you were going to marry me. I was going to have children with you, it’s like someone has died, and what sucks is that someone didn’t. Not that I want you dead, but you are still alive and we can’t talk without hurting eachother. I feel like a former crack addict in a crack house, it’s there it’s right in front of me, but I quit, I know it is bad for me and it would be the stupidest thing in the world to go back to it. Yet I have never wanted something so badly, even my cigarette addiction was never this bad.
I am so beyond angry with you, you left me broken and beyond repair, this means I will probably never be able to truly love someone the way I loved you. Even though you never deserved a single ounce of the love I gave you. But it’s too late for that, I gave it to you and I want it back, but I can never get it back. Was I that horrible that you couldn’t find way to love me like I loved you? Oh and by the way, do you have any idea how much it sucks to hear that the one thing I thought was truly awesome in our two years together was nothing but a cover up for you not being in love with me, and for you avoiding our problems? I mean really, you can’t even give me that the sex was good, screw good, it was fucking amazing, you don’t deserve to know that, just so you know, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. What I do hope happens is that you will never find someone like me. Yeah that’s right do you think anyone would ever drop her pants in your dad’s garage? Because if you do, I think you are sorely mistaken buddy!
It drives me insane that I still feel that I care so much from you, the other day I got a call from an Oregon area code and I thought you were hurt or dead, my heart felt like it literally dropped into my stomach, why the hell should I care if you are hurt or dead? You don’t deserve it, and I hate to say this but I am glad it wasn’t you, and that you are ok. I shouldn’t care about you anymore, but I do, I don’t want to, it hurts too much. I give myself the stupidest since of false hope, I never want to be with you again but for some god damn reason a very small part of me thinks it would be a great idea. I mean, really? Dump me once, shame on you, dump me twice, shame on me, dump me a goddamn third time, go fuck yourself!
I feel like I never learned or gained a single thing from our two year relationship, except the hood that doesn’t match my car, a crappy grey sweatshirt (that I had to steal and you are not getting back by the way) and a complete and udder distaste for men, thanks I appreciate the awesome gifts. What really sucks is that you gave me so many material items, I would have traded every single thing you bought me for you to love me the way I used to love you. You rotting stool sample, are you even capable of love? Is it possible for you to love another human being the way you love your car? I deserved it and you know it, I was loyal to you, I was way to forgiving of you and how much you hurt and continue to hurt me. I felt like I gave you everything and all I got in return was that stupid car hood, which, if I remember correctly I paid for, and instead of spending time with me on my birthday, you avoided me the whole day and worked on my car. Ok… that was a little selfish for me to say, so I guess thank you for doing that, it is kind of nice to have a car, even if the hood doesn’t match.
What all you C’s need to know is that I need to let go of you, which means I can’t hate you anymore, I can’t care about you anymore, I can’t put any effort into you, it hurts to much, there was a point when you were my friend, or you claimed to be, but now I want nothing to do with you and you want nothing to do with you. It bites, and it makes me want to fix shit, but I know if I do that I will go back to that pathetic version of myself. You remember her, the paranoid one, the girl who wasn’t sure as to why you didn’t like her or didn’t want to be her friend. I have grown way past that, I need to remember that, move on and continue to grow, cause right now I am loving who I am, and if the “Ticks and Leeches” in my life cant see how much I have grown and how epically awesome I have become then I don’t want you in my life. I know you still look at me the way you did when you first came into my life but I am a different person now, I am a ’62 Chevy Nova, I don’t look like much but with a few engine repairs and a new coat of paint, I can kick your ass. I am still working on those engine repairs, still waiting on that coat of paint, and I will never be able to make any real restorations until I cut you out of my life completely.
And Juston I am taking this opportunity to tell you that, I am letting go, of everything, the hate, the resentment, the love, and I am taking the first step in forgiving you. Though the above paragraphs said I would never do that I just needed to get that stuff out before I told you that, you were a very large part of my life for two years, and I did get something out of it, I grew a lot, and I leaned that I am loveable. Even if you loved me for only six months of our two-year relationship, you loved me very much, and I recognize that. While it sucked most of time, the good times were pretty fucking rad. So thank you for helping me to grow, the amazing sex, and the ability to make me realize that I still have some growing to do. I hope you look back on our two years together and remember that I loved you very much and that I am in a very small way grateful for what you did gave me… thanks. You will always be my first love and everyone knows you very rarely end up with your first love, and for the first time, I am beginning to be ok with that.